Long-term Relationship Celebration Gifts

Next years calendar.

"Arthur and I have been together now for four and a half years, which is a personal best for both of us."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

Reading the sports pages.

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'Your rhino, or mine?'

"Estella, you have the two most beautiful eyes in the world."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

Happy Valentine's Day

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

Even though we have to keep our distance...

'You were married to him for 40 years. He never once mentioned he was having his head cryogenically frozen?'

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

Christmas Socks

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"Well, old girl, this is the third act. What, if anything, do we have up our sleeve?"

"Is it just me or are we stuck in the 'Com' stage of our Rom-Com relationship?"