Long-term Diagnosis Seeker Gifts

"Your last 120 visits haven't been a complete waste of time, at least we've discovered why you're exhausted!"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Pet a Puppy

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

Pony Rides

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

The Physiciatrist...

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'I hate all holidays!'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

Turmoil change.

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"