Lodge Avoider Pillows

"Why aren't we staying in a lodge again?"

Good News about winter

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

Sawdust.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Cool bonfire app, man."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

Worm running away from hook.

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

"Someplace with no dogs."

'Oh, how utterly romantic! A hunter rug in front of the fireplace!'

'That's the plan then, gang. We all move in with Bruno on bath nights!'

Escaped Fish

'Don't get involved.'

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"Just more Junk Mail."

"So there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can think of giving up the New Year apart from your peanut collection?"

Virtual priority

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."

"With my tech skills, I just feel my talents would be wasted on mundane tasks like taking out the trash, cutting the grass and cleaning my room."

'I didn't get the memo. I like not getting memos.'

Damping Off

'Reasons to cancel run No. 148 'A leaf on the track''

'Oh, him? Much as he tried to avoid them,so many endless TV commercials kept popping up while watching his programs that, finally, one more caused him to snap!'