Locker Room Banter Lovers Pillows

Footballer threatening another higher paid footballer

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

"Well, once again I find myself all pumped up with no place to go."

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

You Don't Know What It's Like

You were great last night

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Size matters!

"Okay, seriously guys, who's not wearing deodorant?!"

'While I was in the rat race, my wife ran off with a mouse!'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."

"To me, baseball is a metaphor for football."

Locker Room. Ernie, on the radio they said your poor play caused eight sacks! What did the coaches think? I guess they were unhappy -- They were the ones the team owners sacked.

Just minutes before the big game Gerald realizes he grabbed the wrong gym bag.

"I was being honest with him, he said he was being honest with me, so now we don't know who to trust."

'We had no choice, ump. Their pitcher threw a brushback, and so we retaliated with a burshback...'

'This is the NBA, Doug. It's a whole new level. You need to stop referring to your locker as 'my cubby'...'

'I'm just saying - it doesn't help morale.'

'I don't know, Sparky. I think you just met your match.'

'Will you stop referring to contaceptives as labor-saving device.'

"I'm the weakest link?"

'Let him stay, coach. He couldn't find his team's locker room.'

Well, I didn't know it was your favorite mug, Bob.

'You've lost a step...'

"Men's locker room. Caution: May not be as offensive as you've been led to believe."

Women after 10 minutes vs men after 10 years.