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"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'Mmm...Smells like waffles!'

Palin 2012

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

'Obama's letting all the progress we made in Iraq go right down the drain...He's trying to distract everybody...'

"Find out what the people want so I can tell it like it is."

"They're spelt differently!"

"Well, you have to admire his honesty."

"Well, I don't think we should count on much help from the Russians this election."

"I Win!!!"

Meanwhile, back at the GOP presidential candidate interviews. . .

'We're saved! -- it's Superdelegate!'

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

"We were thinking, since your head speechwriter understands the issues better than you do, speaks better than you do, is smarter and better-looking than you.."

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

"My net worth is $8.7 billion - so I can't be bought by any interest group!"

'Folks, meet public enemy number 1!'

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

Bush's Huge Campaign Fund at Work.

"It's going to be a tough four years."

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RFK Jr Anti-Vax