Local News Nerd Gifts

Flake News

British savings accounts

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Fear of news.

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

All-Purpose Obamatoon

Corporate Greed.

Pickle

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

We can't hear you! We can't see you! We can't hear you!

"For the latest in politics, I hand you over to Barb, who will mold your simpleton minds like clay. Barb?"

"D'you have any porn porn?"

"This is not good at all!"

'Trading was active in rumors, today...'

"Evidence of Bigfoot or just some clown?"

'That damn racial scandal.'

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

Mitch McConnell

'I'm suing for libel! You've down graded me from being a reliable source to being just a confidential source.'

What?

Things That Were Going to Save Journalism

Self made dictator Putin

"Papers late again, Murphy?"

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

In case of fake news about a phony emergency ring false alarm.

'Goodness Frank, where did all the mud come from?' - 'Election campaigns.'

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

"I thought it would be difficult to paper train a dog, but Spot made a remarkable adjustment!"

'Why can't you have inner demons like everyone else?'

"And in local news, somebody pooped on the Jenkins' lawn again."

Obamacare May Be Safe For Now. But...

Hello, Mary Popmedia. Who do you think you are? A citizen journalist. Ha. You have no training, no experience. What gives you the right? The first amendment! Or is it the second amendment? I have the experience to look up the answer.