Local Business Owner Gifts

"It's not so much the inhuman creations, we just wish you'd shop local!"

Local food for local consumption

'He may be a super-villain to you, but do you have any idea how many jobs he's created for the local area?'

"Why travel? Be a locasexual."

'I try to shoplift locally.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

Cut Price

'Office' block tightening it's belt

6 Brothers Falafel

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'I'm only seven years old -- I don't HAVE a credit rating yet!'

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'