Loan Laughter Lovers Pillows

You want the money for a house? Boring! Come back when you need it for something cool, like a speedboat.'

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

'Wait a minute....!

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'Doctor Corazon, I'm in love with you. You make my right ventricle go pitter-patter.'

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

Yes we can increase your overdraft, but I'd like to see a little more grovelling, please.

'A loan, certainly, how much would you like?'

Hip Operation

"Yes, we've refused your loan application."

"We've got borrower's remorse."

'You've been approved for your loan, Mr. Root. We'd like to hold your nuts as collateral.'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'How much do you want?' - 'How much have you got?'

'MILK FIGHT!'

"O.K. final question: I'm thinking of a number between one and 100."

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'