Loan Laughter Lovers Pillows

You want the money for a house? Boring! Come back when you need it for something cool, like a speedboat.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

'Wait a minute....!

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'Doctor Corazon, I'm in love with you. You make my right ventricle go pitter-patter.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

"Yes, we've refused your loan application."

'A loan, certainly, how much would you like?'

Yes we can increase your overdraft, but I'd like to see a little more grovelling, please.

Hip Operation

'You've been approved for your loan, Mr. Root. We'd like to hold your nuts as collateral.'

Loans. To make a long story short, my cash flow needs some new tributaries.

Amy Schumer

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

Produce Fuji Apples. I told you that's not how "fudgey" is spelled.

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

"We've got borrower's remorse."

'How much do you want?' - 'How much have you got?'

'MILK FIGHT!'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'