Loan Laughter Lover Pillows

'Why yes, we'll give you this loan however you must agree to wear this tracking device.'

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Clown's Comedy Fart.

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'Wait a minute....!

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

'Doctor Corazon, I'm in love with you. You make my right ventricle go pitter-patter.'

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

Yes we can increase your overdraft, but I'd like to see a little more grovelling, please.

'A loan, certainly, how much would you like?'

Hip Operation

"Yes, we've refused your loan application."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

Amy Schumer

"We've got borrower's remorse."