Ward Laughter Lover Pillows

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Clown's Comedy Fart.

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

King and Jester

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

'Doctor Corazon, I'm in love with you. You make my right ventricle go pitter-patter.'

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

Hip Operation

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

Amy Schumer

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'MILK FIGHT!'