Llama Enthusiast Gifts

Llama training

Llamageddon and the Alpacalypse

'What am I bid for this 1,000 pound llama?' The llama thinks; 'Great. Now EVERYONE knows I'm overweight.'

'You knew all the time that we were inseparable.'

'I can sense you're upset Darling: Did I miss our anniversary again?'

Argentina.

"Yeah, it's a modified super-soaker: a spit-soaker!"

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

"See, Og If mammoth foot ticklish, could me do this"

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

The Comfiest Hombre in the West

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

Jungle Games

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

"Tarzan no want computer."

'Wow! Look everyone, Tarquin's lassooed a snake!'

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

"Yeah, I used to be able to spit, but now I mostly drool..."

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

'...and cut the croc stories, I know you're just trying to make this dull trip exciting.'

The Deli Llama

tiger strangling snakes

"About time they did something about the rats!"

'Isn't it sublime, Janet? The original Dali Llama.'

'A corsage! How sweet of you!! It's delicious!!! '

Mammoth Tipping was the most Fatal of Primitive Teen Activities.

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

'I'm collecting llama poop for my strawberries.' 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."