Living In Two Homes Gifts

"I internalize my mother's needs Monday through Friday and my father's needs most weekends."

LAY ZEE FUK

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You've changed."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

"I guess opposites do attract. She's a real shaker, and he's such a grind."

Love is when you watch television together.

Layer cake

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Pyjama party

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"He was a dog person, I was a cat person, the answer was a ferret."

His and Her wardrobe's

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

Unconditional Loveseat

'You have her home by midnight, now!'

"Don't pretend you're sleeping."

'Next, time, we'll meet at my place.'

"I hate it when they put kittens in the impulse buying section."

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"