Living In Two Homes Gifts

"I internalize my mother's needs Monday through Friday and my father's needs most weekends."

LAY ZEE FUK

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You've changed."

Cat Towels

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

Love is when you watch television together.

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"I guess opposites do attract. She's a real shaker, and he's such a grind."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Layer cake

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

Pyjama party

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

Bed Seasons

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Don't pretend you're sleeping."

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"Let's finish off our night of being productive by starting another season."

Unconditional Loveseat

"He was a dog person, I was a cat person, the answer was a ferret."

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'You have her home by midnight, now!'