Lively Speaker Gifts

'Not to be critical, John, but you need to put more life into your sermons.'

They hated me.

"I feel like that I've been given a unique oppurtunity to speak out on issues."

Man selling 'pearls of wisdom'.

'I did it all from memory.'

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

'And in conclusion.'

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"I'll pause for a moment so you can let this information sink in."

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

"My lecture is about our short attention spans and what a lovely day it is I should be walking but tomorrow maybe I’ll cut the grass..."

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

'I've been experiencing a lot of deja moo.'

'Mr. Speaker! Mr. Speaker! Mr. Speaker. . . He didn't show up for work today.'

Musical pill box

Geography is still fascinating, thought Bob.

Totally Nude Hand Puppets.

Woman standing behind boss with sign saying 'Applause'.

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

'I understand the plight of average crustaceans... Because I'm just an average crustacean myself.'

"Just get out there and be yourself – or better yet, someone like me."

"Back when we were in college, and occasionally sleeping together, I never thought I'd be here, toasting you at your wedding to a woman."

Quiet night? Liven up that game of solitaire with a Mexican wave.

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."

"We have a question from an audience member, who asks: 'how do you stay optimistic during difficult times?'"

House leadership 'cry'-teria

"So let's all remember... 'Believe in yourself and others will believe in you!'"

Unlucky Tonight's Seminar Will Change Your Life,

'It's called the Sub-Woofer 1200EX. It's designed specifically for the 16-24 year old driver.'

"What a pleasure it is to be here. . . looking out on all the smiling faces."

'HEYYY!! He's cheating!'

'So you're the boy who wants to be a chugger.'

I speak for all MPs, Mr Speaker, when I say 'swift recovery from your laryngitis'.