Little Sluggers Gifts

Window in the Outfield.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

High-gravity baseball

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Sailor in Car.

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

Baby Screen Time

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

'I thought you invited me to play T-ball!'

"There's a grouch on my couch."

The Five Major Rule Changes in Major League Baseball.

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

"This one says he's his company's lead-off man."

'Are you the person I see about getting a sign-up bonus and a salary?'

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."

'Wait ... Nobody brought a ball? Now what are we going to do for all eternity?'

TV and boy

'Me, I'm making my pocket money by selling my dad's old shoes as lucky charms...'

Kids playing doctor.

"Do you think our parents are too pushy?"

"Phew! I'm bushed! I've been up all night helping the removal men clear the front room."

"There it is Derek,....our nemesis!"

'It's not my fault that baseballs are juiced these days!'