Little Newscaster Gifts

The young Lisa Laflamme.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Today's lesson, the rainforest.

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

Business News.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"Wind's funny. . . It's nothing. . . going very fast."

"I don't get it either, but my mom keeps telling me to hang up the phone, so I do it to make her happy."

Flake News

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

The Amazing Mr Sausage

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

"He tried to attack me with this, but I managed to grab it from him and knock him out before he did me in."

'The National Debt just sounds like it's a lot of money because it's such a large number.'

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

"And I'd recommend this book to anyone in the market for a free plush toy."

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"I understand your feelings, dear, but don't you think that Jane Pauley would just as soon see you keep your strength up?"

The Art of Bantering!

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

'You're right, Mom. Carrots did give me good eyesight. Now I can spot vegetables I don't like a mile away.'

'Don't tell me - you've come as a newsreader?'

Maybe the kids shouldn't watch the evening news.

Supermarket Newscaster

Lorne Greene