Little Newscaster Prints

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

Today's lesson, the rainforest.

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

Business News.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"Wind's funny. . . It's nothing. . . going very fast."

The Amazing Mr Sausage

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

Flake News

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'The National Debt just sounds like it's a lot of money because it's such a large number.'

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

"And I'd recommend this book to anyone in the market for a free plush toy."

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

The Art of Bantering!

"I understand your feelings, dear, but don't you think that Jane Pauley would just as soon see you keep your strength up?"

'You're right, Mom. Carrots did give me good eyesight. Now I can spot vegetables I don't like a mile away.'

Supermarket Newscaster

'Don't tell me - you've come as a newsreader?'

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."