Little Chronicler Pillows

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

"Daddy, instead of the princess story tonight, can you explain how and why manifest destiny eliminated the American Indians?"

'Your life story?....why not, the world is in need of a few good laughs!'

Wedding Selfie

"I'm taking detailed notes of everything, so I can tell my kids what things were really like when I was their age."

'I got an 'F' in penmanship, but it doesn't matter. I plan on becoming a doctor.'

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

'Did you know I have 3000 bones in my body?'

Back to School

'I looked, and the Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about running with scissors!'

On a school trip to a museum, a child takes the head of a horse statue and runs through the museum with it.

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

Trump Campaign Funding

"What are you doing?! Where are your crayons?!"

'I draw on the walls and get time out. They do it and get famous!'

"Yes, you should have studied harder and no, you can't unsubscribe from 5th grade."

'Is there a secret handshake or anything I should know?'

"I think it's a bit late in the evening, Harold, to tell them about your watershed experience."

'I'd love to tell who did it, but I'm protecting my source.'

'He says the scent killer isn't working. He can still smell us.'

'Someday I'll go to school like the big kids!'

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

'Can I still be a Yankee Doodle Dandy even though my birthday is May 25th?'

'How much longer will you be working on your autobiography, Shelly?'

'Those who can do; those who can't, chronicle.'