Life Chronicler Pillows

'Your life story?....why not, the world is in need of a few good laughs!'

"I think it's a bit late in the evening, Harold, to tell them about your watershed experience."

'I lost my virginity and my identity on the same night.'

'How much longer will you be working on your autobiography, Shelly?'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Wedding Selfie

"I'm taking detailed notes of everything, so I can tell my kids what things were really like when I was their age."

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

'My whole life flashed before my eyes. I want to talk to the guy who did the editing.'

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

Trump Campaign Funding

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

"Everyone stay home."

"Minutes from now when you tweet about this - and you will - be kind."

'It's my suicide note. Chapter 147.'

'And here are some more photos of my luggage on the carousel.'

'I didn't get re-elected, but I won an Emmy for my campaign promises!'

My Biography - Modern Memorial

"And guess who this handsome gentleman is? Come on! Take a guess!"

"You lead an interesting life, Miss Edwards."

'Why do old people always hang around all day in bus shelters?'

"Mind if I journal?"

I feel such a failure, I'm thirty something and nobody's tried to make a fly-on-the-wall documentary about me

'You've got that silly blank look again George or someone really has stolen your identity this time!'