Literate Larcenist Gifts

Book Thief in True Crime Department

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."

Magic Ring to gain entry into Tolkien Archive

Man sees book flying in the Mystery section.

Good writing is good thinking

Unbeknown to others, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

Book signing The Art Of Forgery - "Gee thanks, Oprah Winfrey."

After exhaustive auditions, Rudy Park hires a new writer. You should've seen the brawl that broke out between Rowling, Twain and Watterson. They all really wanted the gig … until they heard what it pays. So who'd we hire? Darrin Bell. The guy who draws us. That clown? Shhh!! What? I'm not afraid of him. To be continued …

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

Crime

"He's in first grade. He'll get to Zs."

4 pm MEET THE COPYCAT AUTHOR

Crime section.

Litterature

Police Academy - Remedial Reading of Rights

"If you're trying to keep secrets from me by spelling out the words. Might I remind you that I am in year ten!"

"The English language is a moveable feast... some people dine on it... some just take bites."

Dyslexia supprot staff

'About half the students increased speed and lost some comprehension. The other half increased comprehension but lost some speed.'

"Read? I don't read. I just collect."

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

"Yer know I hates it when yer read over me shoulder!"

"Igor, you fool, this isn't what I wanted you to get for me!!!"

"Have you seen my toothbrush dearest?"

'They'll be talking about that for years!'

De Luxe Outfit for the Cat Burglar

A loan is for life - not just for Christmas!

Ab Bb Cc Dd Etc

Man is confused by a book titled '100 Piano Favorites'.

What's that? It's my second published book. It's called "The Official Biography of Rudy Park, the Loser Who Allegedly Works at My Local Café and Spends All His Free Time Doing Nothing on the Internet." It's just a bunch of empty pages. I know. Very meta, right?

Reader's Block

' No, it's 'I' before 'E', except after 'C'!'

Poor Brett was still hooked on phonics well into his thirties.

"No, I didn't have to 'google it' to make my diagnosis. I have these expensive books."