Literate Gifts

'I'll show you mine if you show me yours.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Ah, to be young and foolish again."

"Actually, not all roses are red. Sometimes they're white as well as numerous other colours. Also I think you'll find that violets are sort of purple..."

Library

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Child lifting alphabet blocks.

"What can you do with him?"

Book Thief in True Crime Department

'I like thinking inside the box.'

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

Man sees book flying in the Mystery section.

"But if I don't learn handwriting, how will I be able to read Grandma's letters?"

Good writing is good thinking

This must be the address where Joe and Maureen are throwing the dinner party!

It's not a figure of speech - this is the corporate ladder.

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Well, yes, it's a free library, but...

'When it said in her profile that she's a cosmo girl, I had something entirely different in mind!'

Spell-Check Bee

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'