Literary Decorator Gifts

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

Painting the Ceiling

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I love these old decorations!"

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Face Painting.

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

'The roof needs icing.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

Redecorating Easter Island.

'Quick, press control Z!'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

The Old Woman was thrilled to bits with her shoestring budget makeover!!

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'