Literary Decorator Gifts

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"I love these old decorations!"

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Face Painting.

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'The roof needs icing.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'Quick, press control Z!'

Redecorating Easter Island.

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

A centipede's Christmas stockings

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'

The Old Woman was thrilled to bits with her shoestring budget makeover!!