Literary Chatter Gifts

"She's promiscuous. She's in five book groups."

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"Call me, Ishmael."

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

Heart To Heart

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"Is it any good?"

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'How did you cope before 24-hour rolling gossip?'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

'So...your shelf or mine?...' (a book in a bar trying a pickup line)

'Then it's agreed. It doesn't have to rhyme.'

"Oh, that Jane. I thought you were talking about Jane Austen."

Where's the last chapter? It's not finished yet. It's where the writer sleeps with the publisher after he agrees to publish her novel.

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

Online Dating

"Call me old-fashioned, but I felt much more at home with the Forsytes than I do with the Louds."

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'

'I didn't read your book, or see the movie, but my mother-in-law told me all about it!'

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"It's really the black whale I hate, but I didn't want to appear racist."

Mavis didn't realise she was still on hold. . . !