Literary Amusement Seeker Gifts

Revised Texts

The Zoo.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

The Dorrie Decimal System

Blue Stockings

'He likes to power nap.'

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

John Bunyan

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

Don Quixote

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"Oh, this old thing?"

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

Sue the Author 3PM

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

What would Charlotte Bronte do, she thought to herself.

It was the best of times, it was the wasrtn blanfil trmsl... It was the bnarfy foodel pook. Arghh! Darn reader's block.

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Treasure Island Book.

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

Moby Dick

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"Barb's such a fast reader."