Liquid Diet Lover Gifts

"It's a liquid diet. Every time I think of food, I dunk myself."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'I've found a way to improve on light beer!'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

Lightest beer on the market. Carbonated with helium.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"I'm addicted to water."

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

Obesity Report

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."