Lion Training Gifts

'So that's where I left my glasses!'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Bert's dog training.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"Shake! Good Dog."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Agility God

Litter Tray Training

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."