Linguistics Explorers Pillows

Campaign for Plain English

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Why we need poetry. . .

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

The Oxford Comma Coin

"These meetings were a lot shorter before we invented compound sentences."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

'Well? - Now that we've learned to talk, aren't you going to admit that you were wrong?'

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

A Semicolon.

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Apostrophe. . . Apostropher

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

Barbed Pen

"He's a fine talker, but can you understand Portuguese?"

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

"Mom, Dad, sis-I'm not like you. I'm-I'm not a palindrome."

Business School - Center for the Study of Mumbo Jumbo - 3rd Floor.