Linguistic Virtuoso Gifts

Unfortunately, the minister's little joke didn't translate well into Ukrainian.

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Thesaurus Company

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

'Sometimes, from time to time, occasionally I wish I'd never bought that ruddy thesaurus!'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Bookworm group

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Artichoking victim

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Heart To Heart

"He's a fine talker, but can you understand Portuguese?"

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.