Linguistic Laugh-seekers Gifts

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

"That'll be five bucks."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"It's a swearbox."

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"It's okay. That's just adult-speak for hot dogs."

"What?"

"Pansexual"

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

Jenkins discovers the dark underworld of palindrome chatrooms.

"I'm bad with languages. The only foreign sounding phrase I know is crack-a-brewski."

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

'Alsatian? Silly me,I thought you said AUSTRALIAN!'

"Horse-drawn carriage."

Fart. Le Poot.

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"Right. Money isn't everything - what's the other thing again?"

'If they install word recognition software in my texting program, I wouldn't have to know how to spell or read. Ain't technology great?'

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

Canadian Importers - In, Oot.

'The operation was a success, but your colon is now a semi-colon.'

'Sometimes, I think that men imagine us smarter than we really are...What on earth does that mean?...'

"How much should I spend on a bottle of wine?"

"Wordplay — terrapin. Ouch! Who put that on my chair?"

Origami Craft Store - Out of business, folded.

'When we talk, I have to take a lot for grunted.'

"For heaven’s sake, Doc, enough with the medical jargon! Just give it to me in plain Dothraki!"