Linguistic Laugh-seeker Pillows

"I'm bad with languages. The only foreign sounding phrase I know is crack-a-brewski."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Bad fake tan day.

"That'll be five bucks."

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

"What did Jesus order?"

Wet Cement. Always the joker, aren't you, Ernie?

"It's a swearbox."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

"Projectile hairballing."

Drunk Barber

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

"Hey! Get back here!"

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

Bald Man Overcomb

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

Football heads...

"I've always wanted to do this - 'knock, knock...who's there?'"

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

"Ok. . . who added the yellow?"

Ask Sadie

Comedy Store - Canned Laughter delivery.

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

Frank and Ernie's Classic Cars. '40s - '50s - '60s. Hi! Do you have any cars with fins in the back? Sorry, sir, nothing with Fins in the back -- but there are a couple with Norwegians in the trunk!

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

When Stupid People Get an Idea