Lineup Laughter Fan Pillows

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Mikado

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

The return of the four sheepskins

"I'm sorry, but your child just isn't very sharp. But don't worry. It's perfectly natural."

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Spinning violinist

"I'm very highly strung!"

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

"All her other suitors could sing and dance of course, but Mummy chose me because I made her laugh as well..."

Yeti/Not Yeti

"Open mike night"

'So far he's self-taught but we thought it time to engage a regular teacher.'

'The Angina Monologues'

Tour de Pothole.

'Stay out of this Piano Man, I got no beef with you. But you - I don't like yer tone one bit.'

Quatre-mains

McTV, 'It's all singing commercials.'

"My handicap is the water, trees, windows, the highway..."

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

Sea Bass

Feedback Card: How was your death?

"Relax, relax. There's plenty more where that came from."

'Don't worry about it, Son — Kleptomania runs in the family.'

Things that don't last 2 seconds...the idea that your l'il sis might actually be good at something.

Musical Cats

Hospital patient using his thermometer on the remote control.

'He'll not be writing any more quick-fire gags now he's crawling along at that speed, eh, Ern?'

"I think we need to have that talk to explain how bad stuff happens in the world."

Piano Removers.

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'