Lineage Explorer T-Shirts

"Actually, Tommy, we're just about full-blooded management, except for your grandfather on your mom's side, who was one-quarter labor."

"Ordinarily, I'm deeply, completely happy, ...then, wham! I remember we're related to chickens."

'I just wanted to hear about him - I didn't want to see him!'

Transylvanian backpackers.

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

Gone Fishing

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

"My dad was really good at showing me how to throw poo. He was just never any good at explaining exactly why I should be throwing it."

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'There's no stigma in being brought up by apes - I was an adopted child too.'

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"Your eels are enormous - where do you get them?"

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

"But wait, there's more."

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'You really have little choice in the matter, Son -- you're a Bramwell, and we Bramwells have always been pompous asses.'

"Your predecessor worked here for a very long time, so before you take over his office we're sending in an archaeologist to check it out."

Genealogical picture of Mr. Punch.

'Pencil for Cartoonists.'

Highland cow and Scottish bull fighter.

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

'Banished? Well this is the first I've heard!'

And remember son, never take your grandfather's picture down from the boardroom - it's bugged.

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

"For the last days of Hispanic Heritage Month, Gracie Bermudez will be wearing a traditional Latino outfit!"

'We've traced you back to the cartoonist who drew you.'

'I come from a long line of Sunday roasts...'