Likes Counter Pillows

"Well, if God had a facebook page think of how many 'likes' he'd have!"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

Pollster

"It's not for you, it's for the paparazzi."

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'I got one this small.'

Been a while since I've seen such a high scoring game!

Entry level astronomer...

"Well, I'd say it should be fairly soon now!"

"Bev, send in someone who knows when I'm fishing for compliments."

"Maybe I'll just put these cookies back."

The Raid

'I bet he can run twice as fast as you can.' 'But he has twice as many legs!'

'Your blood pressure is up. Quit taking campaign promises with a grain of salt.'

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.

SUPER SATURDAY!

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'Of course I'm worried. I heard that the legs are the first things to go.'

"That was a good two weeks of watching America dominate the Olympics and not seeing anything else on TV."

'Come here and tell me what you think about this dress!'

Eighty, eighty five, ninety, ninety five and five makes a pound.

"Hi, I've reached my daily steps target, can you come and pick me up?"

"The president decided, instead of delaying the election, he'd ensure its legitimacy by counting the votes himself."

'And we can count to eight. That's more than you can say for them.'

"The real torture is not being able to get my steps in."

'Just stay on this track in a counter-clock-wise direction for, oh, I'd say another two or three laps. Can't miss it.'

'Foolish, foolish people......as though it would make a difference who wins!'

Runner's Deja Vu

Counting Likes

"Al's gone from apolitical to apoplectic in one election cycle."

'Newt! You took the wrong road, Iowa is that way.'

The GOP dances on the grave of Obamacare, not seeing that the mid-term elections await.

God Fishes for Attention

Mayhem, Inc. Part 24