Likes Counter Pillows

"Well, if God had a facebook page think of how many 'likes' he'd have!"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Pollster

"It's not for you, it's for the paparazzi."

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'I got one this small.'

Entry level astronomer...

Been a while since I've seen such a high scoring game!

'I bet he can run twice as fast as you can.' 'But he has twice as many legs!'

"Well, I'd say it should be fairly soon now!"

The Raid

"Bev, send in someone who knows when I'm fishing for compliments."

"Maybe I'll just put these cookies back."

'Your blood pressure is up. Quit taking campaign promises with a grain of salt.'

SUPER SATURDAY!

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'Of course I'm worried. I heard that the legs are the first things to go.'

"That was a good two weeks of watching America dominate the Olympics and not seeing anything else on TV."

'Come here and tell me what you think about this dress!'

Eighty, eighty five, ninety, ninety five and five makes a pound.

"The president decided, instead of delaying the election, he'd ensure its legitimacy by counting the votes himself."

'Foolish, foolish people......as though it would make a difference who wins!'

'Just stay on this track in a counter-clock-wise direction for, oh, I'd say another two or three laps. Can't miss it.'

'And we can count to eight. That's more than you can say for them.'

"The real torture is not being able to get my steps in."

"Hi, I've reached my daily steps target, can you come and pick me up?"

Runner's Deja Vu

"Al's gone from apolitical to apoplectic in one election cycle."

Counting Likes

'Newt! You took the wrong road, Iowa is that way.'

The GOP dances on the grave of Obamacare, not seeing that the mid-term elections await.

"Stop the fraud! Stop the count! What is this all about??"

'Yes dear, everything here at work is going well. Can I call you back, I have something, I mean, someone on the other line.'