Likely To Cry Over Money Pillows

"His wallet is like an onion. When he opens it, it makes him cry."

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"I'm gonna ride it out!"

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

The Circle.

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

Energy Bills

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Credit Crunch.

"OK, I'll go to my room, but one day I'll get back at you by going to college and putting you into deep financial debt."

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

"Do you have money or is it money that has you?"

Eye of needle fat cat size That'll do nicely.

"Right. Money isn't everything - what's the other thing again?"

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'Man! With its ever-rising value, you have enough gold in your mouth to ensure a great retirement...of course without teeth!

Worried about the future? We have worst-case-scenario funds!

Very sad piggy bank

"This was supposed to be the last session, but I think that I need to come abother couple of times to treat this sense of guilt for all the money I have wasted on you."

'Someday, son, all this will be divided among your ex-wives.'