Lighthearted Scanner Gifts

Full System Scan

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

Laughing Zone Ahead

Make your resolutions achievable.

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

'Do you come here often?'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Wanna go out?"

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'I had multiple personalities.'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'Good news, folks - no attack today!'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"Oh, I don't mind being called 'Reaper', it's the 'Grim' part that gets me...my name is actually Darryl and I'm a pretty happy guy!"

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

The Wonder Years: "I wonder where my keys are. I wonder why I came upstairs. I wonder why my pants are down..."

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

Adan and Eve.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

"Could you supersize these grades, Ms. Bain?"

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'