Lighthearted Parenting Pillows

'If he weren't my child, I wouldn't let my child play with him.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

Push for Disco...

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

Jeff's Smorgasbord

Going Down?

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

A mum trying to dry an excited child

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

"Mum can you come home quick, dad's started to make an exhibition of himself again!"

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

Baby car seat for a Native American.

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

"You can't have dessert until you eat all of your people nuggies."

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

Husband and Child in Pram

'I don't know what these dots are ... but ya mind if I connect them?'

'You can stop looking-I just remembered I didn't wear my retainer today. Funny, huh?'

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

'Please feel free to tell me if Junior is in your way...'

Beating Dad at Chess.

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

"But if I close the drawer, won't my breathable underwear suffocate?"