Lighthearted Office Dweller Gifts

Photocopying his ass was not as easy as he'd been led to believe.

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"Have you been bathing in moonlight?"

'You weren't here to say no.'

"They got rid of 'work from home,' so I pushed for 'blanket forts from office.'"

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

The disgruntled employees were brought down with tranquilizer darts, ending the worst pillow fight in recent memory.

'All right, who's been sitting on the copier again?'

Toilet Tissue Typist.

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

Christmas / " Are you still here, Simpkins ?"

"When you said this job was a breeze, I thought you mean easy."

'Have you referred to my previous boss?' - 'Yes, he wants to know when you are going to return the coffee money.'

"Edward? Can I play with your stuff?"

'I'm leaving early cos I didn't come in so late'

"Around here they want things in triplicate."

Safety First.

A goldfish in the water cooler

'Reading the want ads? No, they just happened to be on the same page as this fascinating story on...um...cosmetics.'

'I got it at a leadership seminar. When you turn it over it moos.'

"Larry goes out of his way to get along with difficult employees!"

"I thought it might make your writing more profound."

Hiccups. Run for the cure.

"Whom shall I say is arresting?"

Casual Summer Friday

Disaster strikes the Millerton Disappearing Ink Company.

"Our marriage license....expired three years ago!"

"That's the shredder. Attach all sensitive paperwork to any piece of office furniture."

"This is the new 'fitness laptop.' It's so large, dragging it around is a great workout."

'I still telecommute. I just come here for the coffee.'

"Looks like accountants are not as boring as you think they are."

"And after the layoffs, we rented the empty desks to some business consultants."