Lighthearted Lush Gifts

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Push for Disco...

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

Some unusual family photographs decorate podiatrist's desk.

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'Do you come here often?'

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Wanna go out?"

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Have you been bathing in moonlight?"

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

Les Fleurs Du Mal

"I can write beautiful poems, but they all rhyme with gin."

Hip Pocket Editions

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."

Carpet cleaning

Giving thanks.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you how long it's been since he had a bowel movement."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

'Have you referred to my previous boss?' - 'Yes, he wants to know when you are going to return the coffee money.'

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'