Light-hearted Pyromaniac Gifts

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

Get crazy once in a while

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Preachers with far too much input

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

'I need an officer to respond to a report of a stolen donut truck.'

"This is a stick-up."

"How's your book coming?"

"Let's try real hard this year to sell old Jumbo!"

Humpty Dumpty

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

'Hear anything good?'

"I won't be needing you this year."

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

'Could you guys do your bungee jumping somewhere else?'

Burnt Out Dolls' House

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

"Would the owner of the dead plants and the embarrassingly juvenile trinkets please return to your cubicle - you've left your desk lamp on."

Jack in the Box Viagra

'You'd better come in while I phone the mail order bride company and tell them there's been a mistake.'

Bonfire of the Paperwork

Golf ball escaping.

Couple carving their initials into a man camouflaged as a tree.

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

Bonfire EU law

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

"Wrong hole!"

Devil Stove