Light-hearted Drinker Pillows

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

Alcoholidays.

"Calm down! You're such a worryguts...!!"

Get crazy once in a while

'I've found a way to improve on light beer!'

Laughing Zone Ahead

'Malty tasking.'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

Preachers with far too much input

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"Wine goes straight to my head."

"Twenty years ago when I started planning my retirement I had no idea how big my bar bill would be."

Giving thanks.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

"My lines have become blurred, I can't remember whether I'm drinking the medicinal or the recreational wine."

Golf ball escaping.

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

Wine-O'Clock

Corkscrew

"Don't eat so fast"

Christmas drinker

"Wrong hole!"

Bus stop and reader

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

"It's not the mistake you make that's important. It's how you shift the blame."

"Call me!"

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

"Wait - leave it on."