Lifestyle Shows Gifts

'Our lifestyle is watching lifestyle TV.'

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Cat in a flap

American Idle.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Trust

Big Brother watching you watch Big Brother

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"Am I through to the next round?"

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'

Macho Vegetarian

'Because we're still part of society - that's why we have to go organic.'

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

"I have a job! I'm an 'I reporter!'"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.