Lifestyle Maverick Pillows

"I am still vegan, I am just having a cheat day."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

"You are still here."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

David wasn't sure about the idea of having denim curtains.

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

Hairstyles

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

"You fit in. You just don't match."

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

Renaissance Zone

Self checkout and 'selfie' check out at a store.

GAP. GAP. NO GAP.

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

Beard, socks and sandals.

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

Hazard of texting

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

'Miss Smith, your wardrobe is playing havoc with my blood pressure.'

"I lost 5 pounds and you didn't even notice!"

'We're a progressive company, McWit, however ... '

'No, man, I don't know where you're coming from. But if I had to guess, I'd say the early Seventies.'

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'