Lifestyle Commentary T-Shirts

"In my day we had trimphones."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Cat in a flap

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

"You are still here."

Trust

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

Macho Vegetarian

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

Does it spark joy?

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"