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"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Cat in a flap

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"You are still here."

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Trust

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'

Macho Vegetarian

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

Does it spark joy?

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

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