Lifestyle Satirist T-Shirts

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

Light Distilled Water

'Of course I'm having my five a day - Sex, drugs, rock and roll and the match'

Joan falls off her fat free diet!

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"Two vegans, please."

Hoodie Hang-out

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Have you any W fronts?'

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Snowman Driver

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

The Inventor of the Man Bun!

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Thank god we're out of the city."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"Gap... Tony Soprano fit"

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

This is where Brent council sends you

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

Renaissance Zone

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

Home for the Holidays

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."