Lifestyle Blogging Gifts

"I have a job! I'm an 'I reporter!'"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Studies show foods work miracles!

Cat in a flap

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Your lobster was off!

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'It's my favorite.'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

Trust

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

"Save yourself — it’s a casserole!"

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'