Life's Ironic Twists Enthusiasts Pillows

"David Bowie, dead. Keith Richards, alive. Makes no sense."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

The Final Selfie

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

'Hey man that's a gas!'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I think he must have had a death wish"

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

Therapists to watch out for: 'How long have you had this unnatural fear of wolves?'

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

'Actually I never had any desire to go into that field until they built this fence.'

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

Hunter about to fall into a trap set by deer.

'Unfortunately the 'motivational speaker' we'd booked couldn't be bothered to turn up.'

"Look, a plastic punk!!"

"Aye, Arthur were kitchen sink before all them young lads in the sixties."

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

'When he said he loved going to Wendy's, I just assumed fast food...'

Three pigs sit down to eat roast wolf

'Woho! Chicken soup.'

Safe is actually window to men's bathroom.

'...And then I was betrayed by my trust fund.'

Surprise at the Pearly Gates.

Take a ride with the reaper.

"Now didn't I say to you, 'no matter what, don't fire that gun'?!"

"Damn—we just missed him."