Ironic Twist Lovers Pillows

'Tarpits are so passe. Modern Hell offers people a choice between wind turbines or High Speed 2 in their back yards.'

"See I told you electing Trump would create jobs!"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

The Final Selfie

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

Muggers nick nurses bag only to be showered in syringes

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

'Wait a minute,' thought Bob. 'This isn't my book. And those aren't my hands.'

"I think he must have had a death wish"

'You called a plumber!'

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."

Next on Fox! Clowns Without Makeup.

Rattle Snake in Love with Baby

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

Hansel and Gretal.

The modern version.

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

Hunter about to fall into a trap set by deer.

"Aye, Arthur were kitchen sink before all them young lads in the sixties."

'Unfortunately the 'motivational speaker' we'd booked couldn't be bothered to turn up.'

A fisherman is hooked on the beach.

'Bad news I'm afraid Mrs Cleveland. Your husband and I are entering into a same-sex partnership.'

'Relax buddy'.Said the messenger of death.' This is just a Grim Reaper-a-gram.'

Santa takes the lift to the roof.