Life's Twists Admirer Pillows

"Motorway of Life Police. I'm afraid your husband met with a very nasty accident in the fast line."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Trojan horse with a satellite dish.

The Final Selfie

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Schedule the 'voyeur' and the 'exhibitionist' for the same time. I want them to meet."

If Shakespeare were alive today

'Alas irrefutable confirmation.'

A signaller directing pallbearers

'Well - we are catfish.'

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel ... let down your hair extensions.'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"David Bowie, dead. Keith Richards, alive. Makes no sense."

Goldilocks and the Three Little Pigs

"And I was all like - severed head in a sack? What severed head in a sack?"

Writing about scientific progress in 1675, Isaac Newton said " If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." This metaphor is now commonly used to make the point that scientific advances are made using a foundation built by the work of those who came before. That Newton guy was right, you can see further when you're on the shoulders of Giants. I just wonder if he was talking about the players from the football Giants or the baseball Giants. Ernie is a much bigger fan

"I'm less judgmental now that I've failed at everything in life."

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

"Anticipation. Anticipation. Anticipation. Anticipation. Yee haw! Nostalgia. Nostalgia. Nostalgia. Old age. Shoot."

'Goliath! Spent force - Lifetime of drug fuelled addiction. His headline grabbing misdemeanours have sapped his energies.'

'Wh...what? House of straw? House of sticks? But that was so long ago!'

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

If that slips off and I break a leg, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

Under Noah's Ark

Gun shop owner dies from arrow in back.

"No, I don't have to sneeze - I'm making a phone call."

An unexpected development during round three of the annual nuclear physics play-off.

"Isn't it incredible that both of is, at this exact same moment are unemployed/"

Take a ride with the reaper.

Today will start off with an interesting twist.

Snake charmer has been eaten by his snake.

Hey, be glad he just wanted to play through.

"We want two pizzas, in small, nonconsecutive slices."