Life Journey Gifts

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'I've travelled all over the world looking for happiness and found it in my bank account.'

'Something tells me we really haven't begun to live yet.'

'You've grown so old!'

"I'm trying to figure out when I flipped from being a baby boomer to a senior citizen."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Better times ahead.

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Look, son, real estate."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Attack of the 'health' foods

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

Women

'Face it, you'd be lost without me!'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Tom had considerable emotional baggage.

I only weigh 95 kilograms...That's 210...in pounds!

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

'Please Miss, why does 'Earl's Court' have an apostrophe but 'barons Court' doesn't?'

Exercising in Confinement

"Oh, great. Humble Beginnings."

Road sign 'To somewhere over the rainbow.'

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

It was time to start the lockdown diet.

"I tried change, it didn't work."

When I said to take a little regular exercise I didn't mean coming to see me every day.

"Does it come in menthol?"

'I'm going to start you off with a simple diet -- don't eat anything you can't pronounce.'