Life Journey Gifts

The 3 Stages of Life

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

Has it occurred to you, Rosencrantz, that we are never there? Wherever we are at any given moment is but a rest stop on a journey form where we were to where we are headed. All of existence is in motion. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if some great being would put its finger on existence and bring it to a halt. Even the great finger could not remain there forever, for the finger is always on a journey to somewhere else. I sense this thesis is about to go sideways, Tyrone.

'I've travelled all over the world looking for happiness and found it in my bank account.'

'Something tells me we really haven't begun to live yet.'

'You've grown so old!'

"I'm trying to figure out when I flipped from being a baby boomer to a senior citizen."

Road signs of Aging

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Better times ahead.

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Look, son, real estate."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Attack of the 'health' foods

'Face it, you'd be lost without me!'

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Women

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

Exercising in Confinement

I only weigh 95 kilograms...That's 210...in pounds!

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

'Please Miss, why does 'Earl's Court' have an apostrophe but 'barons Court' doesn't?'

Tom had considerable emotional baggage.

Road sign 'To somewhere over the rainbow.'

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

"Oh, great. Humble Beginnings."

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."