Life Crisis Gifts

"I need to change my life...I'll just change my profile."

"Lately, we've been getting a number of white males in their thirties seeking sanctuary."

He kept up his guitar practise...

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

Middle-Age Superheroes

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Caged Businessman

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I told you, if you're looking for a road map for your life, that's all you're gonna get."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Quick Spring Fling