Life Crisis Gifts

"Lately, we've been getting a number of white males in their thirties seeking sanctuary."

He kept up his guitar practise...

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

Caged Businessman

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"I told you, if you're looking for a road map for your life, that's all you're gonna get."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

Quick Spring Fling

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!